Bad bad films coming your way
In my job - I get to see free films during the day. Wooooh. Sounds great eh. Well…it can be….but THINK ON. For every decent film that we work on…we also work on some utter turds. At the moment we're currently working on:
1) Just My Luck - Lindsay Lohan is a GOOD LUCK CHARM then she kisses this guy who is VERY UNLUCKY and their luck SWAPS with HILARIOUS CONSEQUENCES - this film made me want to cry blood.
2) Aquamarine - Splash (without John Candy and Tom Hanks. Or Daryl Hannah) meets A.N. Other stupid teen girl flick. Watch this only if you are on List 99 or 13 and just learning about tampons.
3) The Break Up - Vince Vaughan (loud, puffy faced) and Jennifer Aniston (kooky, face like a plank) are BREAKING UP! The script for this that I read at Xmas was fucking appalling - the film seems A LITTLE better as Vaughan is on good form. I would like Aniston to fall down a well.
4) Alien Autopsy - PJ & Duncan make fake alien film. Geoff from Byker Grove not happy. Denton Burn turn up and have a rumble. Speedy joins the army. Ill fated pop career for PJ& D ensues, then megastardom on saturday morning TV. Ducan (not PJ) was shagging one of those twins that used to be on Grange Hill. I used to fancy one of them - ever noticed how TV twins always have one who has an imperfection. Caroline and Christina off Neighbours (the latter had a wonky mouth) and Sophie/Mell off Hollyoaks (one of them has a chin you could cut ice with). So are they really twins. It's a bit tenous isn't it. Like the film "Alien Autopsy". Not only is that tenuous, it's utter shite. PJ & Duncan should be raped by some burly prisonsers.
5) Alpha Dog - Timberlake SURPRISINGLY PASSABLE shocker.
6) American Dreamz - My favourite. Hugh Grant as a Simon Cowell/Ryan Seacrest type, Mandy Moore as scheming rapacious wannabe. Jewish hip-hop, suicide bombers, some great one liners from Iqbal. Dennis Quaid superb as Dubya, Willem Defoe even better as Cheney. Includes the line "watch out, supergaymaster might jump you".
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on Friday, March 31st, 2006 at 2:14 am and is filed under Reviews.
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