Rage against the cgi machine
I am having self-inflicted frequent bouts of CGI depression. Being a mum and the publisher of a kids magazine, I should feel lucky to spend most Sunday afternoons going to the cinema. I mean it should be a magical experience right? I still remember walking into a cinema for the first time and feeling like I had just walked into the most sacred of all places.
But these days, I am more likely to:
- Yawn
- Doze off
- Get excited by the prospect of finding another sweet popcorn in my salted popcorn bucket
- Answer the incessant questions of my son who seems determined to find meaning in these inane plots
The problem I have with these movies is a problem that I am self-perpetuating: I can’t stop going to the cinema because every time I think: ‘No this one will be good. It's done by the makers of so and so who a few years back set the bar for CGI movies but also broke the strangle hold of the Disney monopoly.’ Yes I am in total denial. And yes, every film invariably has the following plot, without fail:
Cute but Weird Animal loses Dad
Cute but Weird Animal gets lots somewhere in urban settings
Cute but Weird Animal goes into this (vomit-inducing) journey of self-discovery
In the face of difficulties Cute but Weird Animal dances to 'I will survive' to get the parents chuckling
Or if not enough ….Must also include the bit where Celine Dion sound-alike launches into sad song about the destiny of said Cute but Weird Animal.
And finally let’s not bother about the inconsistencies in the plot, nah we are targeting kids they wont know any different.
It does not surprise me a bit that my son only ever retains plots of old movies (E.T, Star Wars) or epic films (Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory) rather than bland bland CGI formulas. He has even started to comment on ‘This was not drawn properly was it Mum?’
So what is going on? We have reached such dizzying levels of technology but seem to have forgotten along the way that regardless of the pretty pictures or animation tour de force a good story is at the heart of a good movie. Should entertainment only ever be this bland soup of half thought out plots and cretinous characters?
In a world of multi-medium and multi-disciplines, we never seem brave enough to mix genres, talents and make that commercially viable.
There are some fantastic writers out there and even more talented illustrators who could bring to our lives weird and wonderful stories in the most diverse and eclectic settings; so that we could come out of the cinema with our little ones having wept, chuckled, dreamt and just simply having been inspired! Is that too much to ask?
Maybe a part of the problem is the audience, which consists, i suppose, mainly of parents. Putting myself in their seat, with no experience of parenting what so ever, I can see the following reasons for a parent to take their kids to the big screen:
a) letting their kids watch a movie
b) getting two hours of rest/sleep
c) actually, they want to see a movie with their partner, but he/she´s at the pub. again. So a kids movie is the best option
and therefor, they´re not so picky, and anything goes. So come on Mum, or Dad, be finicky! Don´t infect the poor kids eyes with evil stuff like Happy Feet (haven´t seen it, but I´m sure it´s horrible), instead, when it´s nothing good on the silverscreen, rent a Tintin movie, that should do the trick. And regarding sleep, I´m sure your sofa won´t mind.
We go to the cinema because we naively believe that it’s going to be good - not because we need a respite from the kids. But you are right, next time I have this crazy urge to see another inevitable turkey I may think twice, stay at home and watch for the 100th times Belleville Rendezvous.
It’s quite funny that even though kids sometimes can’t vocalise why they like something, it’s inevitably the films that are great that kids do actually remember. My young cousins are crazy for Bellville Rendezvous too, and over christmas I introduced them to Ghibli movies (well the ones that are out in the uk and have good dubbed soundtracks. It was a quiet christmas.
Mark Kermode on Radio 5 has had at least 1 or 2 rants live on air about the quality of kids movies today, and he especially hated ‘Ice Age 2′ which he claims is ‘The death of narrative cinema’
Yeah, I like the article. I think people in the industry are wising up to it. It takes so long for these things to be made that we only just suffered the first across the board decline in quality since Pixar. I saw Cars last night for the first time and I thought that was pretty good though.
It kinda reminds me of Led Zeppelin being followed by superficial glam rock and Nirvana letting many awful bands have a career in the 90’s. It needs a blast of fresh air again, trouble is, the bad ones still make money…
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