solace in cinema : A vast wasteland of movies

The full trailer for Cronenbergs london-set ‘Eastern Promises’ is up, and to me looks like it could easily live up to the standard he set with ‘A History of Violence’

Check it out in several formats over at Yahoo

I was just reading an early review of the film over at AICN yesterday and there’s a short discription of a bathhouse fight (no.. not kung-fu style) involving several butt-naked russians… it made me chuckle.

“I have to say, the movie’s got the scene of the year. This will be a quasi-Spoiler- Viggo is in a bathhouse when two thugs come after him, and suddenly this barely R-rated movie becomes something that will make the MPAA sweat. Not only is it a totally brutal one-on-one fight with Viggo’s fists versus two guys with knives, but ol’ Viggo takes them down through about five to ten minutes of bare-knuckled brawling while COMPLETELY NUDE. And there’s no dodgy photography or editing in this- Viggo’s balls are flying ALL over the place. There’s one moment where he lifts his leg to deliver a roundhouse kick, and I could swear Aragorn’s scrote smacked me in the face about six times. If anybody remembers that totally rough naked shower fight in “Get Rich Or Die Trying”, this one is about twelve times more brutal. Van Damme would never agree to that sort of ball exposure, and he’d never deliver the kind of ass-kicking that results from it.”

Viggos sack should be arriving on screens late september.

So a “spy” has sent the first glimpse of an alien from James Cameron’s ‘Avatar’ to joblo. I’m always really dubious of these blurry spy pictures, but when it’s all you have to go off it’s interesting to discuss it.

We’ve talked about ‘Avatar’ before and despite being a long way off (2009) it’s already got people talking, especially since It’s Camerons first non-aquatic movie since ‘Titanic’, and there’s all kinds of crazy rumours about it being shot in 3d .. but not like old 3d, new 3d which is apparantly much better. Oh yeah and the budget is somehwere near the $200 million mark… crazeeeee.

I’m really not sure what to make of this image it kind of looks like the alien from ‘Species’ got messed at a rave, it’s really weird looking. What do you guys think?

You can read the full story about the image over at joblo

Video blogs from early on in a films shooting are never that interesting, they never show the juicy stuff up front, even if they’re actually shooting it. There’s no Harrison Ford in the video, no stars at all infact, but a hell of a lot of facial hair; Spielberg, Lucas and bunch of mustache-e-o-d crew members drinking champagne..good times…

Check it here (direct link to the quicktime file)

via Joblo

‘Bangkok Dangerous’ was an absolutely brilliant thai film from the Hong Kong based Pang Brothers (directors of ‘The Eye’). So in what seems to be becoming a hollywood tradition the directing duo were signed up to remake their own film, but this time in english, and with the big foreheaded fuckwit Nic Cage in the lead.

I’m sick as all hell of talking about remakes, I want to give most of them a chance but they just look so totally shitty. The sad thing is If I didn’t mention remakes at all I doubt there’d be anything else to talk about. *deep exhalation of breath**

Ok so there’s a gallery of images over at dutch website Film Flash (Via Kino-Govno) from the remake and it looks incredibly mediocre. Check out Nic Cage’s hair piece in full effect, I wanna know who the fuck told him long stragly hair was in fashion, becuase he seems to love it, yet to me he looks like a sex offender.

Even before seeing It i’m gonna call it as crap, I say skip it and rent the original instead… check out the trailer here and here’s the plot synopsis from the original too

“The story is of a deaf-mute hitman and his partner who are based in Bangkok. He is friends with his partner’s girlfriend who is a stripper at a local club. They go about their assassination business as usual as the boss climbs the underworld ladder and forms new alliances. Flashbacks explain how he got to this point in his life. He forms a relationship with a young woman from the pharmacy who is caring and innocent. The hunts continue as treachery begins. A big name hit makes him realize that good people are hurt by his actions. The first rule of assassination closes in on him as he strikes revenge.”

I really want this to be a cool Leon/Bourne style thriller but honestly… I think it’ll suck. Until someone makes a film adaptation of a computer game that doesn’t suck balls, I’m not holding much hope for any of the films currently being shopped around. I thought Christophe Gans might pull it off with ‘Silent Hill’ but that was a total mess, and apart from Uwe Boll there’s nobody else really stupid or desperate enough to take on these projects…

ho hum… wander over to Joblo and check out their giant water-marked video exclusive of the ‘Hitman’ trailer…

There’s about 10 seconds of shots from ‘Eastern Promises’, about halfway through this trailer for Focus Features upcoming slate…

I honestly think they should get oscar in to consult on films that are currently in production, it’s kind of like ‘BIG’, they have transfomer-like robot buildings, and because of Hanks’ childlike mind it’s straight up “a building that changes into a robot?.. what’s fun about that?”

somebody needs to tell it like it is…

‘It’s a bit long and I don’t like all the kissing. I don’t go to see super heroes to see them kissing. The best bit is when someone said to Jack ‘You are mad’ and Jack says ‘I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t’ and he then flies off. I liked the bit when Calypso changes into a giant and becomes lots of little crabs.

Oscar, 5 years old’

To sum up, he liked Jack Sparrow, and certain set pieces, but it was long, boring and had too much kissing. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So you guys remember the ‘Die Hard’ song I posted about months ago, Fox…being a studio had a whinge about it becuase it contained footage from their films (yeah don’t worry it would never improve sales or build the fanbase or anything, they’re stealing yous shit.. take them down.. idiots). Youtube complied and took the video down. Then in a not too remarkable arse-about-face, they wised up and decided it might actually help them to promote Die Hard 4, so they asked the band.. GuyzNite.. to write another verse about the fourth movie and add more footage to the video…

read the full article here

Jeff Bridges is officially Evil, you can tell because he has a beard and a bald head. That’s what evil people look like. That’s a fact. Tell your children.

Oh and Downey Jnr looks like a gay Latin american dance teacher. I’m just saying.

You can read the full article here

There hasn’t been a Wes Anderson film i’ve disliked but what’s strange is I don’t find a lot of excitement welling up inside me for his new film ‘The Darjeeling Limited’. ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’ is one of my favourite films of all time, I’d seen Rushmoore a couple of years earlier and liked it, but Tenenbaums totally hit me for six. So when ‘The Life Aqautic’ rolled around to release I was suitably hyped. The film wasn’t a disapointment but it never hit me in quite the same way and since that point I think i’ve taught myself that Wes Andersons films aren’t the kind I start hyperventillating over. I just let his films wash over me.. in a good way.

The hollywood rag ‘Entertainment Weekly’ has a ‘First Look’ at the darjeeling limited with some very Anderson-esque stills of comedy mustaches, Owen Wilsons broken nose and people on comedy motorbikes…

check out the big scan here

While I’m on the Anderson kick, Bigscreenlittlescren dug up what is reportedly the ‘Fantastic Mr.Fox’ script. I haven’t read it yet but if you fancy a browse yourself you can get it here

The downloadable Darjeeling script is still around too

Darjeeling pics via Slashfilm

Mr Fox Script via bigscreenlittlescreen